Not too long ago, I was talking to a young man who felt his life was forever tainted because of some decisions he had made when he was 16. As he told me his story, I clenched my fists as the anger overwhelmed me. I was not furious at this young man, but rather at the married adult twice his age who enticed him to make these decisions. This person is a minister and a licensed counselor, for Pete's sake! Try as I might, I could not convince him to report this person even though there is now another young man who has taken his place. At least this one is of legal age. Small consolation.
I let the matter of reporting this person drop for the time being. This wasn't his most pressing issue. His issue was the overwhelming guilt he feels for his part in the affair. And so I told him my story - and I am telling you now - because maybe it will help you put your burden into perspective sooner than I did. I carried a tremendous burden of guilt for about 40 years. Forty years is a long time to carry around guilt as many of you may know. I am only 48.
In 2002...no, let's go further. In 1999, I was sitting in Roebuck Park Baptist Church listing to Bro. Bill preach his sermon in view of a call. For those of you who did not grow up Baptist, that means the congregation was "trying him out" to see if we liked his preaching enough to hire him. Bro. Bill preached a fine sermon about his plans for the church, the church model he planned to use, the area we would be moving the church to, and the prospects for going out and telling the neighbors about Jesus Christ. We call that witnessing. Well, Bro. Bill finished up his fine sermon and began to pray. That prayer at the end is to ask God's blessing, and to pray for people who don't know Jesus as their Lord and Savior to come to know Him right now. And so it was, during this prayer I prayed right along with the preacher for "them", the ones who needed to know Jesus. I was praying fervently for "them" with my head bowed, when I heard as clearly as if it were being spoken into my right ear, "You can't be My witness because you don't love and respect him." At that very moment, my eyes were opened and I was looking at my husband in the choir loft among 50 other people. I didn't look for him; my eyes were taken to him. I knew what my Heavenly Father was telling me was absolutely true. I began to cry with shame, but also with an utter loss as to how to fix my sin. But if God told me to fix it, I knew I had better.
I tried. I tried so hard. I grieved myself to sleep many, many nights praying for Paul to become a man I could love and respect. This went on for a year or more. It was a black cloud that hung over my head constantly. One day, walking down the hall at church with my little black cloud hanging particularly low, I passed Bro. Bill's wife. I don't know what made me do it, but I unloaded the story of God speaking to me and me looking at Paul. I told her about praying for Paul to change so I could love him. I told her I knew it sounded crazy to say that God had spoken to me, but that I was absolutely positive He had. He told Moses in Exodus, "Whether you turn to the right or the left I will be a voice in your ear saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'" She listened, acknowledged that what I heard was Biblical, and asked me only one question. "Have you prayed for God to change you?" Me?!? Change me??? That very night, I quit praying for Paul to change, and began praying for God to change me, to change my heart. It was miraculous. As I changed my attitude towards Paul, he began to be kinder to me. Now those who know Paul know he is still a booger-bear at times. You should have known him then!
Now let's jump forward to somewhere around 2003. I was teaching a Sunday School lesson to a group of college girls. We were talking about correction and about how we should rejoice when God corrects us because the Bible says in Hebrews (12:5-6) "My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by Him. For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and chastises every son whom He receives." I like to make the lessons real for the girls by sharing a piece of me with each lesson, so I shared the story that I just shared with you. At that moment, the Holy Spirit chose to enlighten me. I cried with joy! I realized at that very moment that God had not said to me, "You can't be my witness because of the terrible thing you did from the time you were 5," He said, "You can't be my witness because you don't love and respect him (Paul)." Do you see it? I had been begging God to forgive me for decades a sin He had forgiven me for decades ago when I asked Him to. He had removed that sin "as far as the east is from the west!" (Psalm 103:12) It was no more to Him. Only I had continued to hold on to that sin.
And so when I was talking to that young man the other night, I told him, and I tell you: if you believe in your heart that Jesus Christ is God's only Son who is the Way to eternal life, and you confess this with your mouth that He is the only One who can remove your sin, then you are a child of God. He is a Good and Gracious Father. If we come to our Heavenly Father and ask Him to forgive us for our sins, He is faithful to forgive our sins. He removes them. As far as the east is from the west. Forget the guilt. Forget the shame. It is forgiven. Period.
