Introspection

Trying to do right. God knows.

She had good intentions...oh well.

Six More Words

The home-cooked meal brought Reynolds home.

Crushed but Not Destroyed!

His gentle post-chemo snoring comforts me.

The Cross

Ressurection conquered death on the cross.

I am finding it hard to write posts - I'm not clever enough to think of witty/intelligent/meaningful/interesting posts on a regular basis. So I have challenged my self to this: write six words at least once a week - if not more - that tell a whole story. Ernest Hemmingway wrote this one:

For Sale: Baby shoes, never used.

Brilliant.

Paul will be helping me from time to time. Let's see how many minutes this resolve lasts.

What Sin?

Not too long ago, I was talking to a young man who felt his life was forever tainted because of some decisions he had made when he was 16. As he told me his story, I clenched my fists as the anger overwhelmed me. I was not furious at this young man, but rather at the married adult twice his age who enticed him to make these decisions. This person is a minister and a licensed counselor, for Pete's sake! Try as I might, I could not convince him to report this person even though there is now another young man who has taken his place. At least this one is of legal age. Small consolation.

I let the matter of reporting this person drop for the time being. This wasn't his most pressing issue. His issue was the overwhelming guilt he feels for his part in the affair. And so I told him my story - and I am telling you now - because maybe it will help you put your burden into perspective sooner than I did. I carried a tremendous burden of guilt for about 40 years. Forty years is a long time to carry around guilt as many of you may know. I am only 48.

In 2002...no, let's go further. In 1999, I was sitting in Roebuck Park Baptist Church listing to Bro. Bill preach his sermon in view of a call. For those of you who did not grow up Baptist, that means the congregation was "trying him out" to see if we liked his preaching enough to hire him. Bro. Bill preached a fine sermon about his plans for the church, the church model he planned to use, the area we would be moving the church to, and the prospects for going out and telling the neighbors about Jesus Christ. We call that witnessing. Well, Bro. Bill finished up his fine sermon and began to pray. That prayer at the end is to ask God's blessing, and to pray for people who don't know Jesus as their Lord and Savior to come to know Him right now. And so it was, during this prayer I prayed right along with the preacher for "them", the ones who needed to know Jesus. I was praying fervently for "them" with my head bowed, when I heard as clearly as if it were being spoken into my right ear, "You can't be My witness because you don't love and respect him." At that very moment, my eyes were opened and I was looking at my husband in the choir loft among 50 other people. I didn't look for him; my eyes were taken to him. I knew what my Heavenly Father was telling me was absolutely true. I began to cry with shame, but also with an utter loss as to how to fix my sin. But if God told me to fix it, I knew I had better.

I tried. I tried so hard. I grieved myself to sleep many, many nights praying for Paul to become a man I could love and respect. This went on for a year or more. It was a black cloud that hung over my head constantly. One day, walking down the hall at church with my little black cloud hanging particularly low, I passed Bro. Bill's wife. I don't know what made me do it, but I unloaded the story of God speaking to me and me looking at Paul. I told her about praying for Paul to change so I could love him. I told her I knew it sounded crazy to say that God had spoken to me, but that I was absolutely positive He had. He told Moses in Exodus, "Whether you turn to the right or the left I will be a voice in your ear saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'" She listened, acknowledged that what I heard was Biblical, and asked me only one question. "Have you prayed for God to change you?" Me?!? Change me??? That very night, I quit praying for Paul to change, and began praying for God to change me, to change my heart. It was miraculous. As I changed my attitude towards Paul, he began to be kinder to me. Now those who know Paul know he is still a booger-bear at times. You should have known him then!

Now let's jump forward to somewhere around 2003. I was teaching a Sunday School lesson to a group of college girls. We were talking about correction and about how we should rejoice when God corrects us because the Bible says in Hebrews (12:5-6) "My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by Him. For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and chastises every son whom He receives." I like to make the lessons real for the girls by sharing a piece of me with each lesson, so I shared the story that I just shared with you. At that moment, the Holy Spirit chose to enlighten me. I cried with joy! I realized at that very moment that God had not said to me, "You can't be my witness because of the terrible thing you did from the time you were 5," He said, "You can't be my witness because you don't love and respect him (Paul)." Do you see it? I had been begging God to forgive me for decades a sin He had forgiven me for decades ago when I asked Him to. He had removed that sin "as far as the east is from the west!" (Psalm 103:12) It was no more to Him. Only I had continued to hold on to that sin.

And so when I was talking to that young man the other night, I told him, and I tell you: if you believe in your heart that Jesus Christ is God's only Son who is the Way to eternal life, and you confess this with your mouth that He is the only One who can remove your sin, then you are a child of God. He is a Good and Gracious Father. If we come to our Heavenly Father and ask Him to forgive us for our sins, He is faithful to forgive our sins. He removes them. As far as the east is from the west. Forget the guilt. Forget the shame. It is forgiven. Period.

The trip was wonderful! Rich is Korean, so his mother and other women wore traditional Korean garb to the wedding. The picture of strangers below shows the style of dress, but Mrs. Chung's dress was a pretty aqua Lauren looked like a young blond Jackie Kennedy or something - she was beautiful. Calvary church was huge, old and stone; so, so beautiful. There were huge columns, and off to each side were ornate wooden doors that led to a sort of hallway that makes it less visible to walk around during the service.

Then there was the NYC Public Library. We got out of the first of three charter buses and saw a hundred or more glass vases with lit candles in them. Inside, the waiters were lined up with trays of drinks, and there was an open bar as well. The front table holds the wedding cake and around it are felted slats holding table assignments - alphabetically, of course - as if they are in a card catalogue...complete with a hole in the bottom of the card.

Up a few stairs on a landing, the Koreans were planning their second wedding. I sat on the steps above and watched that ceremony. Lauren and Rich came down the steps in traditional Korean wedding garb - her with her apron over her arms, and both carrying a duck. The ducks are used to represent the status of the marriage - bill to bill indicates harmony, and tail to tail indicates strife/trouble. They were placed on the table bill to bill, of course. Next, the couple bows then bows with their noses to the floor three times to the mother of the groom. A special wine is then poured by a helper and the couple touched the cup before it is passed to the mother to symbolize it is from them. Mama drinks to the couple and says a few words. After that, she reaches into bags filled with walnuts (girls) and dates (boys) and tosses them into the air. Rich holds out Lauren's apron and tries to catch as many as he can so that they will have many children. (5 dates and 4 walnuts were captured. The process is repeated with Lauren's parents, Becky and Jeff, and I think the total count was 35 children.) The bowing, wine drinking, and blessing ceremony is repeated with grandparents then the wine and blessing is repeated with siblings and cousins. Then Lauren and Rich bow to each other, drink wine, and a date is placed in Lauren's mouth. Rich takes the other end and they move lip to lip and bite it. Rich ended up with the seed which indicates he will have the power in the family. Finally, the groom's mother is carried on the groom's back for her last piggy back ride, bowing to the guests all around, and he then puts her down and takes up Lauren as his new responsibility. Just for fun, he gives Becky a piggy-back ride, too!

The ceremony is then over, and we move to the reception. We mingle a bit, enjoying oysters, individual chips and salsa, pate', etc., then the curtains are opened on the gigantic stone arches, and we are seated in the looonnnnnnnngggggg stone hallway, the Korean families mostly on one end and the others mostly on the other. At each place is an envelope like one would find at the back of a library book with a check out card tucked in with the guest's name on it. There was also a menu card in front of that. We were at table 7; Aaron and Ginger were at table 15. After a few minutes, Lauren and Rich reappear back in their wedding attire (I told her she was very fortunate - most women only get to wear their wedding gowns once!) The waiters file in with salads, and just like in the movies five waiters peel off to the other side of the table and when all are in place the 10 salads are simultaneously placed in front of the guests. The salad was some strange stringy but tasty something with pecans and dried cherries and a round of fried goat cheese. After this course, the plates are removed in the same manner. Next, new plates are delivered and bowls and platters of food are delivered to each table and we serve ourselves, family style. There was skirt steak and kimchee, blackened red snapper, braised collard greens, truffled mac and cheese, sesame sugar snap peas, fried rice with ?, and biscuits. We also had sweet tea. The caterer said he had never made anything that was on the menu - he had to scramble to find recipes. He did very well.

After dinner and speeches, we moved back to the large open area for dancing to a live band and wedding cake as the waiters moved through the room with cookies brought in from Cleveland, Tennessee (Lauren's favorite when she was growing up), little key lime pies, and something chocolate - like a little chocolate pie as well as flutes of champagne. Lauren and Rich danced to "Dancing in the Moonlight" and it was fun and wonderful. I finally got the four Foreman boys to get up and dance with their women, but only on the condition that I could get Paul to get up and dance - which I did. He started doing some weird dancing he calls a buck and wing (like clogging) and everyone there circles around and watches. I think he did it at Rachel's wedding, too. Soon, Lauren joined in and everyone was hooting and hollering. Chris Foreman declared Paul his hero and all four Foreman boys got up and danced. Paul, of course, was done in after that, so we went back to the hotel.

thirty-five degrees

enchanted weekend wedding

Rich, Lauren...thank you!